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Peaches peaches peaches peaches peaches
Aug. 25th, 2024 10:51 amLife continues to be stressful. You know how it goes.
That said, I recently came into 18 pound of fresh Palisade peaches because I'm an idiot and don't know how many peaches are in 18 pounds, and my coworker's kid was selling them by the box as a fundraiser. Friends, these peaches were fucking phenomenal. Incredible. I had to go wash my face after eating one, they were that juicy. I made a cobbler (was okay, the cake part sucked, i need a different recipe), a crisp (incredible, I've got another one in the oven right now), and plan to use the last of them in some freezer jam. Peaches are my absolute favorite fruit and having so many excellent peaches around has been the highlight of my summer. Fuck me up with peaches.
Aside from that it's been business as usual. My closest synagogue friend is expecting a baby and that's very exciting and we're all awaiting that in good time, but she also is probably leaving shortly after that to be closer to a terminally ill parent, so I'm very bummed about that. I know the move will be better for her on most fronts, so while I'll miss her a lot, I'm hopeful this is going to be a great new chapter of her life. We'll still have her for several months, so it's nothing like, super imminent but it is coming.
I struggle to make close friends and so, selfishly, I'm worried about what I'll do when she's gone. I need to put myself out there more (and I will - there's a D&D group forming at my shul and I reached out to the rabbi in charge of it to ask to participate). Everyone has been very nice and welcoming, but it's an uphill battle to meet and connect with people in any situation and I am tired of fighting against myself, but it is what it is. It's either fight against my anxiety shitbrain or rot away alone in my apartment foreverty-ever, and I don't want that. I don't. I've started to come to terms with the fact that my horrible relationship with Ex-Friend many years ago fucked up my ability to connect with people and if I tell myself that I can't let her win, it can sometimes get me past it. Sometimes. Is spite a healthy motivator? I don't know, but it's what I've got.
I have been trying to write more original stuff on top of the fics I've been writing, and it's going... okayish. This is the first time in a long time I've ever thought of writing with an eye towards publishing it and I almost wish I hadn't thought of it, because the "what if this is too cliche, what if it's been done, what if this is stupid and nobody wants it" is a lot less loud when I'm just telling myself I'm writing for fun.
I have two stories in progress right now - one is a mid-20th century murder mystery with a main character who is a widowed funeral director, and the other is a supremely self-indulgent (as if the other one isn't that) AmRev romance that is probably secretly TURN fanfiction somewhere deep at its core.
I am trying very hard to embrace that "holy shit two cakes" mindset and tell myself "just because it's about spies in the American Revolution doesn't mean it's too much like TURN and also who gives a shit it's schmoopy historical romance which, as a genre, loves tropes and cliches and so do you" so we'll see. I don't think anything will ever come of either, if I'm being realistic, but maybe that's the best way to get myself to write them: by telling myself they're just for me anyway.
That said, I recently came into 18 pound of fresh Palisade peaches because I'm an idiot and don't know how many peaches are in 18 pounds, and my coworker's kid was selling them by the box as a fundraiser. Friends, these peaches were fucking phenomenal. Incredible. I had to go wash my face after eating one, they were that juicy. I made a cobbler (was okay, the cake part sucked, i need a different recipe), a crisp (incredible, I've got another one in the oven right now), and plan to use the last of them in some freezer jam. Peaches are my absolute favorite fruit and having so many excellent peaches around has been the highlight of my summer. Fuck me up with peaches.
Aside from that it's been business as usual. My closest synagogue friend is expecting a baby and that's very exciting and we're all awaiting that in good time, but she also is probably leaving shortly after that to be closer to a terminally ill parent, so I'm very bummed about that. I know the move will be better for her on most fronts, so while I'll miss her a lot, I'm hopeful this is going to be a great new chapter of her life. We'll still have her for several months, so it's nothing like, super imminent but it is coming.
I struggle to make close friends and so, selfishly, I'm worried about what I'll do when she's gone. I need to put myself out there more (and I will - there's a D&D group forming at my shul and I reached out to the rabbi in charge of it to ask to participate). Everyone has been very nice and welcoming, but it's an uphill battle to meet and connect with people in any situation and I am tired of fighting against myself, but it is what it is. It's either fight against my anxiety shitbrain or rot away alone in my apartment foreverty-ever, and I don't want that. I don't. I've started to come to terms with the fact that my horrible relationship with Ex-Friend many years ago fucked up my ability to connect with people and if I tell myself that I can't let her win, it can sometimes get me past it. Sometimes. Is spite a healthy motivator? I don't know, but it's what I've got.
I have been trying to write more original stuff on top of the fics I've been writing, and it's going... okayish. This is the first time in a long time I've ever thought of writing with an eye towards publishing it and I almost wish I hadn't thought of it, because the "what if this is too cliche, what if it's been done, what if this is stupid and nobody wants it" is a lot less loud when I'm just telling myself I'm writing for fun.
I have two stories in progress right now - one is a mid-20th century murder mystery with a main character who is a widowed funeral director, and the other is a supremely self-indulgent (as if the other one isn't that) AmRev romance that is probably secretly TURN fanfiction somewhere deep at its core.
I am trying very hard to embrace that "holy shit two cakes" mindset and tell myself "just because it's about spies in the American Revolution doesn't mean it's too much like TURN and also who gives a shit it's schmoopy historical romance which, as a genre, loves tropes and cliches and so do you" so we'll see. I don't think anything will ever come of either, if I'm being realistic, but maybe that's the best way to get myself to write them: by telling myself they're just for me anyway.
